What’s wrong with this sentence?

“Mr. Kennedy called Mr. Clinton Sunday to tell him of his decision.”

The New York Times, January 28, 2008, on Sen. Ted Kennedy’s endorsement of Sen. Barack Obama

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6 thoughts on “What’s wrong with this sentence?

  1. Bill Clinton had been pushing Kennedy to hold off on the endorsement. That’s why Kennedy called Bill.

    But still, the way the news should have reached reporters should have had Kennedy notifying Hillary.

  2. The problem is the second “Mr.” Shouldn’t that be either “Mrs. Clinton,” or, better yet, “Mr. Obama?”

    The general gist of the announcement seems to be that a Kennedy endorsement is less of a boon to Obama than the denial of same is a detriment to the Clintons.

  3. who is “him” and “his” referring to? It is not a clear sentence.

    Would the following be clearer:

    Mr. Kennedy called Sunday to tell Mr. Clinton of his decision.

    Or what would you suggest?

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