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Congratulations!

Congratulations! You are Time magazine’s Person of the Year. Then again, so am I.

In the perfect storm of disdain for individual excellence and appeal to consumer narcissism that tosses modernity around, Time gushes, “[F]or seizing the reins of the global media, for founding and framing the new digital democracy, for working for nothing and beating the pros at their own game, TIME’s Person of the Year for 2006 is you.”

As background for the name of the winner of this year’s honor–“You.”–the magazine cover features a mirror in the shape of a computer monitor, so that You can see the winner’s image when You pick up the issue.

All that’s missing is the audio, triggered by the reader’s fingerprints or a retinal scan:

“Congratulations, Ms. Carbone,” or perhaps reflecting the careless familiarity of our time, “Congratulations, Lezzlie, You are Time‘s Person of the Year. You have joined the elevated ranks of former winners like Adolph Hitler [1938], Joseph Stalin [1939 and 1942], Ayatollah Khomeini [1979], The Generation Twenty-Five and Under [1966], and Endangered Earth [1988]. You beat out this year’s also-rans, including Jack Abramoff, Katie Couric, and Michael J. Fox, as well as potential ‘Troika of the Year’ Bush, Cheney & Rumsfeld and ‘Depraved Duo of the Year’ Ted Haggard and Mark Foley. Time salutes You, and encourages You to keep up the mediocrity!”

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