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How to be Gay

Is homosexuality teachable? The University of Michigan seems to think so. It offerred a course on How to be Gay. The three-credit class, offerred by the English Department (of all things), considers questions like, “What do we learn about gay male identity by asking not who gay men are but what it is that gay men do or like?”

And why would someone have to learn How to be Gay if he were born that way, as homosexual activists claim? The UMich course guide explains, “Just because you happen to be a gay man doesn’t mean that you don’t have to learn how to become one.” Oh.

But the 300-level course isn’t for just anybody. It’s “not a basic introduction to gay male culture, but an exploration of certain issues arising from it. It assumes some background knowledge. Students wishing to inform themselves about gay men and gay culture in a preliminary way should enroll in an introductory course in lesbian/gay/queer studies.”

And what if one took the course but didn’t learn How to be Gay well enough? Not to worry. The class “[m]ay be repeated for 6.00 credit(s).”

2 thoughts on “How to be Gay

  1. So, just as a devil’s advocate, why is it that no conservative has ever set out to prove their theory about homosexuality? Really, could you make the choice to be gay? Could you be gay for, say, a year or something? I mean all the way, could you? And by the same token, does that mean someone can fail at being gay? Can you be a poor homosexual? Can you be really good at gay? What does it mean to be good at gay? Is it just the longer you go, the better you are, or is it more a quality over quantity thing?

    Furthermore, if homosexuality is indeed an acquired skill, what other skills would you say it is most like? Can you learn to be gay like you can learn to appreciate poetry, or do you learn to be gay more like learning a computer language? Is it muscle memory, like shooting a basket or casting a fishing line?

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not defending the class, the University of Michigan, or even homosexual activists. But I can’t help it that I’m an American citizen raised on solid American values, so when some kooky ideology (King George, Islamic Fundamentalists, Nazis, Anti-Gays) starts condemning human beings, for their lifestyle, their religion, their ethnicity, for any reason, it’s just wrong. I have a hard time sleeping at night thinking that patriots died at Lexington, Berlin and Iwo Jima just so that I could victimize other people. And I do consider hateful thoughts and calling them sinners to be “victimizing.” It’s okay that you don’t share American values with me, but I would like to hear your explanation.

    So, how is it a choice? And if you know that its choice, don’t you think you should tell some scientists? I mean neuroscientists, sociologists, anthropologists, historians and biologists have accumulated mountains of data pointing to sexuality as internal and not subject to the whims of consciousness, so if you’ve got a better answer than them, don’t you think you ought to alert the media immediately? You could seriously win a nobel prize or something for that kind of massive advancement in human understanding, that people are just born straight until they up and decide to be gay. We’ll have to re-write text books, rethink neuroeconomics, everything! So, please, let me be the first to hear your explanation for homosexuality. It’ll be historic.

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